In recognition of National DSP appreciation week, I wanted to share a few posts for professional caregivers. Curious to know what DSPs most wanted to read about, I set up a poll on the NADSP Facebook group to ask for input from the group.  I was not surprised when the landslide winner was “Caring for yourself when you’re a professional caregiver”.

DSPs give much of themselves to their jobs, emotionally and physically.

They are not well compensated for the work that they do.

There are many intricate laws that must be adhered to, and regulatory reviews and other critical inspections of their work is frequent.

At times it can feel like you can either do the job or document the job, but that there isn’t enough time to do both.

To generalize, the DSP workforce is comprised of a majority of young people who view the work as a stepping stone to something else, and staff inconsistency is the norm.

Did I mention there’s also a physical household to run, complete with daily meals to be prepared and a van that needs to be serviced?

The combination of truly strenuous work, feeling unappreciated, and frequent staff turnover can set the stage for a DSP to feel overwhelmed.

Some even reach the point of feeling numb to the demands placed on them. They go into autopilot, just doing enough to get by day to day.

To suggest that you also need to devote a chunk of time to caring just for you might sound ludicrous.

But that’s just what I’m suggesting.

Know that this is not a standard list of self-care suggestions. No chocolate and bubble baths here.

You also won’t find overly obvious suggestions to “get more sleep” and “be sure you’re exercising enough” in this post.

This is a DSP-specific guide to caring for yourself when you’re a professional caregiver.

What are the risks of not caring for yourself when you’re a professional caregiver?

Let’s first get clear on why self-care for DSPs matters by talking about what’s bound to happen if you don’t.

Burnout

We have all known a DSP “at the end of their rope”.

This person is uncomfortable to be around because their emotional distress is almost palpable.

You KNOW that they don’t want to do this work anymore. But they seem blind to their own irritability.

They don’t see that it’s time for them to do something else, or to recharge in a major way. None of us want to be that person.

And you know what? I can assure you that the burnt-out DSP you’re on shift with didn’t want to be that person either. They probably actually aren’t blind to what’s going on.

It’s more likely they just don’t want to admit that they feel so badly and don’t know how to change.

No one sets out wanting to resent their work. It’s just what happens over time if you’re not intentional about making your own routine care a priority.

Health consequences including increased risk for injury

Over time, the stress of the DSP role coupled with the physical demands of the work can have some serious negative health implications.

The odd timing of typical shifts can make it hard to find the time for regular exercise, adequate sleep, and good dietary habits.

DSPs are notorious for taking better care of their clients than they do of themselves.

Skipping a Doctor’s appointment to pick up a shift is common, but potentially dangerous if it becomes a habit. So too is the tendency to return to work before fully recovered from an illness.

All of this can make a DSP more prone to experiencing illness, long term health decline, and on-the-job injury.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as drugs or alcohol

Many DSPs struggle to leave the stressors of work at work.

They find their ‘real’ lives to be slow, boring, devoid of challenge.

To cope with this striking difference, and to ‘come down’ from the intense pressure to be ‘on’ that they feel at work, they turn to drugs or alcohol to loosen up at home.

Over time, this can become an unhealthy dependence.

What gets in the way of caring for yourself when you’re a professional caregiver ?

If there are such tremendous risks to not having a self-care routine, why on Earth are DSPs avoiding caring for themselves?

Exhaustion

Being a DSP is incredibly physically demanding. It will challenge you mentally and emotionally in ways you never knew were possible.

Understanding the huge responsibility you have to your clients is overwhelming.

You are obligated to be many things to many people at once.

You can never fully relax, because you must always be vigilant, attending to the environment and the mental state of the clients in your care. If you don’t there can be serious consequences to your physical safety and to theirs.

It is one of the most truly exhausting jobs there is. That you would feel too tired to do anything but sleep and zone out when you get home is understandable.

Time/Schedule

Creating a routine for exercise and other self-care essentials can be tough given a DSP’s schedule. This can be especially true if you’re working a variation of a 7-on-7-off.

Money

Many DSPs would agree that lack of money is something that holds them back from taking care of themselves.

Keep reading, I’m going to do my best to convince you that this should not be the case.

You believing that it isn’t important, that’s it’s a luxury, or that it can wait

Spoiler alert, none of those are true.

What are the best ways to care for yourself when you’re a professional caregiver ?

OK, I get it, I need to take care of myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup and all of that. How do I actually care for me when my job is to care for others?

Do for yourself what you make happen for your clients

Even if you do nothing else that I suggest, do this.

Would you ever dream of letting a client skip their annual physical because they couldn’t fit it in? How about missing an important family event because they “had to work”?

Nope, you wouldn’t let your client miss out on those important things, because you know that they are essential for your client’s physical and emotional well-being.

If you believe that it’s important for you to model appropriate behavior, then it’s not OK for you skip out on them.

Wouldn’t it instead be much more effective to show your client that this is how well all people treat themselves?

That you won’t be working your regular shift tomorrow because you’ll be at the Dr’s office for your physical, because getting an annual physical is an important thing for everyone?

Mark each shift as a unique endeavor

I like to recommend a routine start and end ritual to each shift, to mark a beginning and end.

It makes it easier to separate your work and personal life when there is something that happens to signal the end of personal time and the start of work time, and vise versa.

It doesn’t need to take more than a few seconds.

By intentionally creating a beginning and end to each shift, you reinforce that this is one shift you’ll work on one day.

It also makes each shift a distinct and temporary activity that you are engaging in, helping you keep from feeling overwhelm that your whole life is tied up in your job. Maybe you try:

• A secret handshake with each client
• Taking a moment to say a prayer
• Reading a meaningful quote
• Petting the group home cat
• Watering a plant

It doesn’t really matter WHAT it is. What matters is that you choose something meaningful to you to do each time you start and end a shift.

Allow yourself to feel

When sad things happen, it’s OK to be sad. If you work as a DSP long enough, you will eventually experience a loss.

A long-time coworker will retire. A client will move away, or maybe even die.

When these sad things happen, some DSP’s feel compelled to hide their feelings.

They believe that they need to support their clients to recover from grief by “being strong”.

DSPs are notorious problem solvers, and they jump into “fix it” mode whenever something goes wrong.

The problem is, when a person feels sad and thinks that no one else shares in their feelings, they wind up feel more isolated and more depressed.

If you try to “fix” their grief by distracting them from it (dare I say redirecting them to feel happy?), you are essentially communicating that they are wrong to feel sad.

To validate your client’s sadness is a much more authentic and genuine way of supporting them.

Try to stop yourself before you get to the “but”, as in:

• I miss Tom too, but I’m excited to meet the new DSP who will work his shifts.
• I wish Joe still lived here too, but I’m looking forward to his visit next month.
• I’m sad that Dave died too, but isn’t it nice that you’ll be able to move into his room, since its bigger than yours? (yes, I have heard a DSP say this!)

Instead, try connecting more deeply with your client’s emotional experience at these times:

• I miss Tom too, especially those yummy burgers he would make for our cookouts.
• I wish Joe still lived here too, the house sure does feel different without him.
• I’m sad that Dave died too, I never met anyone else like him.

Sharing in your client’s sadness will not make them feel sadder.

It will show them that you understand, because you too are a human being with feelings.

You are showing them that it’s OK to feel powerful, uncomfortable feelings, and that it’s possible to feel them without feeling controlled by them.

Trying to rush your clients through the grief process, while simultaneously trying to avoid your own grief, is not helpful to either of you.

Giving care means giving space for the unavoidable, crappy feelings that happen when you are hurting.

Remember at these times that being a caregiver also means showing your clients how to care for themselves.

Allowing them in to see your grief is one of the most generous acts of caring that you can give.

Pursue additional training

It may sound counter-intuitive to suggest spending additional time thinking about work as a way of being able to leave work behind.

But I find that seeking out additional opportunities for learning can do a number of things to improve your mental well-being, both at work and in your personal life.

Obviously, the goal of additional training is to give you additional skills to draw from and the confidence to use them.

Doing so mentally allows you to delineate your professional skills from your personal life.

Yes, a good DSP is authentic even on the job, and forms meaningful relationships with their clients.

But by pursuing certain skills to be used only at work, you remind yourself that there is a distinct boundary and different mental skills that you use at work versus at home.

This reinforces that work is a choice you’re making, something that you do that matters to you, but not who you are.

Dress for the job

If you don’t, you’re setting yourself up for failure and making the job harder than it needs to be.

The job is hard enough. Don’t make it more of a challenge by being uncomfortable or worse, unable to do your job, because of your choice of dress.

Sometimes this means sacrificing fashion sense for common sense. It’s worth it.

Know and stick to your boundaries

This might include:

• Not giving a client your personal phone number
• Declining to pick up additional shifts if you need rest
• Saying “sorry, I can’t” when you’re asked to come in early to train the new guy
• Insisting on an additional back up staff when you know that tension will be high in the house, or that a client will be prone to aggression or fleeing because of an environmental factor, etc.

The key to look for here is the phrase “Have to”.

If you find yourself stuck in trap of believing that you “have to” accept or do something that your gut tells you not to, just stop.

Take a moment and reconsider whether what you’re about to do is something that you, personally, need to do.

• You don’t have to give the client your personal cell phone number to reach you. Instead, you can suggest they talk to the staff on-shift, or call the on-call supervisor. You can remind them when you’ll be working next. You can keep a journal together where they write down important things they want you know that happened between your shifts. If you feel they really must be able to reach you by cell phone for safety reasons, you can talk to your agency about providing you with a phone for this purpose that can be turned off or handed in, so that you don’t have to take the call when you’re not working.
• You don’t have to agree to pick up additional shifts. Even if the scheduler or your supervisor tries to make you feel guilty about it. Remember, the only people who will resent you having better boundaries are the people who benefited from you having none.
• You don’t have to train all new staff. They’ll get to soak up all your wisdom when you work together on your next scheduled shift.
• You don’t have to do without supports that you think are essential for staff and client safety. Even in cases where there’s “no budget”. Perhaps the supervisor could come work from the house that day. Or another client could come participate in the day’s activities, making their staff available as a backup in case of emergency. Kindly but firmly point out your concerns until they are heard, and you have the support you need in place.

Follow policy

I previously worked with a support supervisor and dear friend who was notorious for bending policy because she felt it meant she was giving her best care.

Even on weekends that other supervisors were on-call, this supervisor’s group homes ‘knew’ that she would want them to call her.

This meant she was on-call every day of the year.

I’m sure you can imagine what happened to her.

She became a worn out, walking example of every one of the risk factors I outlined at the start of this post. Which was really unfortunate, because she genuinely loved the work and the clients she supported.

But she was making herself sick, tired, and irritated. Eventually, with some loving but clear guidance, she stopped bending the rules.

She trusted her team to do their best even when she wasn’t there.

And you know what? Her clients were fine, and her mental well-being improved greatly.

She was able to get back to loving her job.

While this is an example of someone in a Supervisory role, it’s just as common for DSPs to bend policy.

Maybe you believe the policy is wrong, or you think it’s in one client’s unique interest to do something else. Maybe, like my colleague, you care so much about your role that you have a hard time sticking to the boundaries that your agency’s policies outline.

If a policy is bad, work with your agency to change it.

If the policy is sound, but you are still feeling that for some reason it doesn’t apply to you…there’s really only one thing you can change, am I right?

Stick to policy.

Request additional supervision meetings to talk about challenges that you’re facing sticking to boundaries.

A good supervisor will want to coach you to establish those boundaries, rather than let you overwork yourself to the point of burn out.

Manage your finances

Money flows through all our decisions. You show me where you spend your money, and I’ll tell you what truly matters to you.

DSPs often believe that they are destined to be poor because they have chosen to work in a helping profession.

Yes, it’s absolutely true that DSPs do not make much money. But it’s also true that they make a livable wage when it’s managed wisely.

I’ll bet you take your obligation to help manage your clients’ finances very seriously.

Again, give yourself the same wise advice and loving boundaries that you encourage for your clients.

Minimize your financial risk by reducing your debt.

Pay yourself first by setting aside your monthly spending needs first, and only then giving yourself some ‘walking around cash’.

Hold yourself accountable to make wise financial choices, not just for today, but for your future.

It is foolish to believe that you won’t one day want to retire, or to take a vacation, or to give charitably, or to pay for emergency medical care.

Have a financial plan that allows you to do all of that and more.

Over time, you’ll start to see that this isn’t taking your standard of living away. It’s allowing you to prioritize the life you want most, instead of continuing to spend unwisely on the life you want now.

If you need more help with this, I strongly recommend checking out the Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.

Truly understand your role

There is a power that comes when you recognize that you are ultimately not responsible for your client’s choices, mood, or behavior.

Caring for someone is not the same as controlling them.

If your goal is to make your clients meet their goals every day, you will certainly fail. If your goal is to develop a meaningful, trusting relationship with your clients, which puts you in a position to support them through tough times…yup, that’s something you can consistently do every day.

How does this relate to self-care?

Simple. When we consistently feel that we’re failing at what we’re trying to do, we don’t feel very good about ourselves.

If your goal is simply to control your clients, then every day you will leave work feeling like a loser who can’t do their job. But when your goal is to have a meaningful relationship, you get to win at work every day, even on the bad days.

Maybe more than any other point on this list, this simple shift in how you view things can be responsible for lifting incredible burdens when you’re feeling badly about how things are going at work.

Believe that it is essential

You make time to brush your teeth every day. Probably you do it twice a day.

What would happen if someone called you out for this, and said that only rich people with lots of time on their hands could commit to brushing their teeth twice a day? Most likely you would laugh and think they were out of their mind.

Why?

Because you know that brushing your teeth is nothing more than a relatively painless, essential task that you must do each day.

People will notice if you don’t brush your teeth. If you make a habit of not brushing your teeth, it will one day be painful and expensive for you to correct.

It’s just a thing that you do, and you don’t ever consider not doing it. No matter how tough your day was, skipping tooth brushing isn’t ever going to cross your mind as a possible fix.

Bushing your teeth is a type of self-care. It’s how all self-care should be. Boring. Automatic. A given.

Commit to believing that self-care is not a luxury.

Nor is it something you can do every so often and then skip.

True self-care, like brushing your teeth, doesn’t even usually require an extensive output of time or money (notice how everything on this list is 100% free to enact?).

What it takes is habit. Habit that only comes when you truly believe that you must do this thing.

If you are a DSP or a support supervisor who enjoyed this post, I hope you’ll sign up for updates from the Mental Wellness + Disability blog!

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I also hope that, if you found this post to be insightful and helpful, you’ll consider inviting me to prepare a training for your team.

Ensuring that DSPs are mentally and emotionally equipped to support clients with disabilities is one of my favorite aspects of my job as a professional counselor.

I would love to share some additional knowledge with you! Use the contact form below to tell me more about your team’s struggles and how I can help.

I’d love to develop training for your team. Let’s talk!