Counseling for adults with acquired disabilities in Cary, NC

Everything was going great. Until suddenly it wasn’t.

Whether because of an accident or a medical crisis, something has changed suddenly and drastically. You have acquired a disability.

Maybe you have a Traumatic Brain Injury, Aphasia, a sensory loss, or a limb amputation.

But it doesn’t feel like you’ve just lost a piece of yourself. It feels like that one moment took your whole life away.

It makes sense that you’re struggling

It’s understandable that you’re having a tough time adjusting.

You’re not just recovering physically. You’re also doing the emotional work of adjusting to seeing yourself as a person with a disability.

Allowing others to do things for you that you were doing for yourself not so long ago can feel demeaning. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that no one can understand what you’re going through. 

It feels like there’s no way for you to be happy in the body you have now.

Thankfully, counseling is an effective way to relieve depression and anxiety when you have acquired a disability like TBI, Aphasia, or loss of vision or amputation

There is research to support this. I can also attest to the incredible physical and emotional changes that my clients have made. Many of them say that counseling was what made it possible for them to heal from their devastating loss. 

Maybe you’ve tried counseling in the past and feel like it didn’t help  You may be wondering how counseling with me will be any different.

I use a variety of techniques to help my clients feel better. What therapy looks like for each person will be different depending on what their needs are.

Here are some of the things we may focus on in counseling.

Processing grief

Maybe you feel like you need to ‘put on a brave face’, or ‘fake it until you make it’ for your family. You want to show them that everything’s OK and that you’ll be fine and that they don’t need to baby you.

But on the inside, you know that you’ve lost something essential. Not just something you do, but a part of who you are.

Your frustration and anger and fear and sense of loss are all real. If you keep trying suppress them, they will only come out when you get irritable with your family.  Or when you choose to self-isolate to avoid the irritability…sound familiar?

One way that counseling helps is allowing you a space to be as angry and sad as you need to be. For as long as you need to be.

Your family and friends may be uncomfortable with the depth of emotion that you’re feeling now. They may be encouraging you to move on and see the good and be grateful.

When you’re just not able to do that, it means you haven’t fully grieved the losses you’ve experienced. In counseling you can grieve without judgement or expectation that you’ll be ready to move on before anyone but you says its time.

Trauma recovery

When most people hear the word trauma, they imagine survivors of natural disasters.  Or they envision people who have experienced physical or sexual abuse.

You may not have thought of it in this way, but experiencing a major, unexpected physical loss because of an accident or medical emergency is a traumatic event.

Trauma has a lasting impact on our ability to participate in social events. Trauma effects how we maintain relationships.

It also influences our bodies, even down to the way our genes express themselves. Learning about trauma’s influence on our physical and mental health is usually an important step towards healing for adults with acquired disabilities.

Addressing body image concerns

Your body certainly feels different after a major medical event. and it may look different as well.

Sometimes people who have acquired disabilities feel disconnected from their bodies.  Or they may resent their physical abilities and appearance.

I help my clients to find appreciation of the use and skills that they retain. At the same time, counseling allows them to fully explore what the losses they’ve encountered mean for them.

Vocation planning and resource linking

The changes you’ve experienced may mean that your previous vocation is no longer an option. Or, you may need additional supports in place to help you be successful at work.

I have worked for nearly 20 years supporting people with disabilities. I know many of the challenges you will face in your effort to return to employment. My training in rehabilitation counseling and years supporting people in the Triangle have taught me the national and local resources that can help you get back to work.

Coping with relationship changes

When a person develops a disability, it’s common for the role dynamics and daily routines of their family to change. This can often be a source of significant emotional pain and frustration.

You just want everyone to treat you like they did before. You want the dignity of trying to do the things that you used to be responsible for, even if you fail sometimes.

But everyone is walking on eggshells around you, and it can make you extremely self-aware. You might feel afraid to really be yourself with your family.

I help people who are adjusting to disability to find meaningful ways to keep their role in their family. We also work on ensuring that they are able to fully articulate their needs and wishes to family members.

You probably still have some questions or concerns about counseling. Here are some of the common ones that I hear from adults with acquired disabilities.

Counseling sounds like a good idea down the road. But right now I want to focus on my physical recovery.

I understand if your priority is regaining the physical skills and strengths you’ve lost.

But, you should know that your mental health can have a tremendous impact on your body’s functioning. There is a significant body of research which supports that addressing your mental health needs can yield tremendous results in your body’s recovery.

You’re not a medical doctor or a physical therapist. You can’t actually change anything. Why should I bother talking to you?

It’s true that I’m not a surgeon who can repair your body, nor can I prescribe a medication that will cure what you’ve lost.

But it is also true that a person’s mental wellness and coping abilities during rehabilitation are a critical predictor of their physical recovery.

Many of my counseling clients who have acquired disabilities describe not realizing the tremendous stress that their unaddressed emotions were causing for them and their family.

I tried to meet with a counselor before. When I got there they were on the second floor and there was no elevator, and I can’t do stairs. It was humiliating. Is your office accessible?

Yes!

I intentionally designed my office space to meet the needs of my clients with disabilities.

I’m in a ground floor office with an in-suite, ADA compliant bathroom. There is plenty of accessible parking available outside the office. The curb ramp is well graded.

My waiting room and my therapy office allow easy access for people using wheelchairs, walkers, or canes. Well behaved service animals are always welcome at Reif Counseling Services (and they may even get a treat when they visit!).

I always welcome feedback from my clients about how I can make my space more accessible and comfortable for them.

Of course, some of my clients have bad pain days, trouble finding transportation, or other commitments that make it hard for them to see me in my office. This is why I offer online counseling to clients with disabilities in North Carolina.

I’m worried that you’ll talk to my spouse or my doctor behind my back.

I take my client’s confidentiality very seriously. This is true even when my clients have a spouse or other person who is a Healthcare Power of Attorney or guardian.

I consult with my clients and get their written approval before contacting any member of their family or healthcare team. I will only discuss or share the information that my clients give me permission to disclose.

I have Aphasia or another speech disorder. Will you be able to understand me?

I have extensive experience working with people with Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria.

I have received training in speech disorders through my collaboration with the Triangle Aphasia Project. I keep tools on hand (chunky markers, blank notebooks, etc.) to help people with speech disorders communicate.

I’ve worked with clients who’ve used electronic tablets, visual boards, communication books, and other tools.

If you want support making changes that help you feel better, I want to help you. We’ll figure out a way to communicate, I promise.

I hate the way that I look right now. I’m embarrassed by the changes to my body. Will you make me feel self-conscious about my body?

Developing a new sense of self after acquiring a disability is an important step in accepting the life you’re living now. A critical piece of this acceptance is learning to be OK with how you look and how your body moves.

I am super comfortable talking about constipation, flatulence, sex, masturbation, colostomy bags, G-tubes, and so on.

If it’s part of your life, and you’re in counseling to help life feel better, then let’s talk about it. Doesn’t matter what it is, I won’t be shocked or upset by it.

I certainly won’t make you feel judged for how your look or how your body behaves.

I’ll just be glad that you’re here.

I’m worried about the cost of counseling.

Information about my fees is available here.

Counseling is a commitment of time and money. For people who have been through a major medical event or accident though, I wonder what the cost of NOT participating in counseling is.

Most of my clients who have acquired disabilities, describe having pushed themselves to the absolute breaking point trying to cope with their losses alone. They also tell me that their true healing was only possible when they’d committed to doing the emotional work that is at the heart of counseling.